5 Mental Health Strategies I Learned from Working with Kids on the Spectrum

Hey sweet friend,

From January 2022 to January 2023, I worked as a Registered Behavioral Technician (RBT) at a clinic for kiddos with moderate to severe autism. RBT’s work one-on-one with the kiddos and provide Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) therapy. We implement treatment plans created by board-certified analysts and run programs that teach skills in communication, speech, functional play, socially-appropriate behaviors, peer interaction, and even eating.

I’ve just recently stepped away from this job because I’ve been experiencing more symptoms and need more time to focus on improving my health. During the last year, I’ve enjoyed working in the field of behavioral health and I have just LOVED each of the sweet, unique, hilarious kiddos I’ve been able to spend time with. It’s hard to say goodbye.

Thinking back on all my sessions with the ten or so children I’ve spent time with has made me realize how much they taught me over the last twelve months. While I’ve been helping the kids, ABA and my clients have been teaching me about managing mental health, communicating well, and experiencing life. I want to share FIVE lessons with you – trust me, they’re worth hearing.

Disclaimer: What I’m sharing is based on my experiences with the clients I had as well as the behavioral health training that I completed in order to become a registered behavioral technician. I in no way mean to put any of these kids in a box or assume that all people with autism are the same. This is simply what I observed and the ways that these amazing kids helped me grow. 🙂

1. You have to communicate your needs.

One of the most significant things we teach kids is how to communicate – especially how to communicate their needs. Here’s an example of why this is important. One of my youngest clients would bite her technician’s hand when she got hungry. She was nonverbal and didn’t have a real way of communicating so she used an “aggressive” behavior to indicate her needs. When she started at the clinic, we taught her to use sign language to say “eat” so that she could actually tell us when she was hungry. The incidents of biting majorly decreased.

Now, I could totally relate to this girl because sometimes I want to bite my husband’s head off when I’m hungry! I’m sure my husband or my sister would quickly confirm that I am someone who gets hangry. When I’m hungry, I feel like the world will end if I don’t get to eat something right now. Of course, the solution is simple. I need to be clear that I am hungry and get myself a healthy snack.

But it’s trickier when it comes to communicating emotional needs (like nervousness, anger, or grief). In the past, because of anxiety, it has been hard for me to express my true emotions to others. Especially if I needed help because I was overwhelmed. Most of the time, I would be stuck in my head thinking that I would burden my loved ones (even someone as close as my husband or my mom) by asking them for help.

Working as an RBT has taught me that no one can read your mind, even the people who know you the best. It is your responsibility to communicate what your needs are so that they can be met. And it is healthy to do that – it’s better for you and the people who love you.

I have emotional needs when I need to process through the events of my week, cry about my new medical diagnosis, or vent about something unfair that had happened to me that day. YOU have emotional needs. And it is okay for you to tell the safe people in your life who love you and want to support you.

You don’t have to hold it in. There are people who want to listen to you. And if you feel like you don’t have someone to listen to you – message me!

2. It’s important to be in tune with your body.

This one ties in closely to communicating your needs, because this is all about recognizing your needs.

With the kids we work on being aware of sensations in their body (whether it’s pain, hunger, the need to potty, or discomfort from stimuli like sounds or lights). We also encourage them to be aware of their emotions, and where in their body they feel those emotions. For example, we might prompt a kiddo to say, “I feel angry that my friend took my toy, and my face feels hot.” This way he is noticing how he feels emotionally and how his body feels – instead of screaming, lashing out at the friend, or running out of the room (common behaviors when kids are upset).

Recognizing where in your body you are feeling emotions is such a cool concept. And it’s really helpful for managing anxiety. Licensed counselors often use Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR) to help train clients how to recognize when they are tensing up their muscles. Why? So that they can purposefully relax those muscles.

A tense body corresponds to stressed emotions. After practicing PMR for a while, you get pretty good at noticing when you’re tensing your muscles and learning what muscle groups you tend to tense when under stress.

Here’s how it works. When I’m working at the computer, I usually tense my shoulders. This becomes worse when I’m writing a paper and I’m on a deadline – before I know it, my shoulders are practically touching my ears. The emotion of stress because I’m pressed for time is reflected in the tension in my shoulders. When I purposefully take a moment to become aware of my body, breathe, then release the tension in my shoulders, my stress level goes down too.

Being aware of sensations in your body can help you calm anxiety by relaxing your muscles, or prevent yourself from becoming overly stressed or even having a panic attack.

As an RBT, I learned that you should value the connection between your physical and emotional/mental health. You can support your body to support your mind.

Here are some ways to do it:

• Try out Progressive Muscle Relaxation. Here’s a great video that teaches you how to do Progressive Muscle Relaxation in under ten minutes!
• Take five deep breaths.
• Listen to one of your favorite songs and sing along – humming or vocalizing can actually help reduce stress in your body. (Don’t believe me? Check out this article.)
• If you’re feeling anxious, take a quick walk for five minutes. You can even pace through your apartment if you can’t step outside. Just release some of that stressful energy from your body.
• Drink a cup of hot herbal tea or decaf coffee and savor every sip.

3. When you love something – enjoy it!

Before working as an RBT, I had experience working with kids since I grew up around young children and I have worked in a daycare.

But I had never seen true, unapologetic, ridiculous joy in children until I worked with kids on the spectrum. They took so much enjoyment from the things they loved – dancing, laughing, smiling when shown their favorite things. And it seemed like they would be happy to do their favorite activities ALL day. My kiddos would be just mesmerized by:

• Watching bubbles pop.
• Looking at a picture of their favorite TV character.
• Twirling a piece of playdoh.
• Listening to Disney songs.
• Swinging and watching the clouds.
• Writing out numbers (one client would count by fives all the way to 5000, all the while with a huge smile on her face).

The best thing is that none of the kids ever showed any shame or embarrassment about the things they loved.

Being an RBT reminded me to sit in the good moments and enjoy the blessings of being with people I love or doing an activity I really enjoy.

Proverbs 7:14 says, “In the days of prosperity be joyful, and in the day of adversity consider: God has made the one as well as the other, so that man may not find out anything that will be after him.”

It’s easy to let anxiety steal your joy. You might feel like you can’t really invest in the moment because you don’t know what’s coming next. Maybe you don’t feel happy in a group because you’re worried about what other people are thinking. You can’t enjoy what you have right now because you’re thinking about what you want to get in the future. These are just the lies your anxiety tells you.

Watching the kiddos experience pure joy in simple moments reminds me that we can’t let worry steal our moments of joy.

4. Music is a powerful tool.

As a pianist and singer, one of my favorite things to do with the kids was make music. And they loved it! I mean, they ALL LOVED it. Sure, I got tired of singing the alphabet song one hundred times in one afternoon, but it was worth it to see how my clients responded to music.

Music was something that drew the kids together. In general, social interaction, sharing, picking up social cues, and being in close proximity to others can be challenging for children on the spectrum. Almost all of my clients had specific goals for playing and being around other kids. So, it was awesome to see kids come running up, gathering in a big group to listen to Baby Shark together. Some kids liked to sing the words, some made the hand motions, and some just made up their own dance moves completely. But they were all united by music.

I found that music was also very soothing to my clients. If a little one was having a rough day or having trouble transitioning between rooms and activities, listening to a song was a guaranteed way of helping them feel better.

Working as an RBT helped me to be aware of the impact of the music around me.

While I’ve always loved making and listening to music, my experience in ABA really showed me just how music can impact our mental health. I started listening to relaxing Christian songs during my morning commute. This helped me to ease into my day and feel more refreshed. I became more intentional about choosing music that would complement what I was doing, instead of just listening to whatever came on.

If you have anxiety, try making a playlist of calming and encouraging songs. Here are a few suggestions:

• Peace Be Still, Hope Darst
• Closer to God, Anne Wilson
• Perfect Peace, Tenielle Neda
• How to Be Yours, Chris Renzema
• Rest, The Gray Havens
• Springtime, Chris Renzema

5. Change is hard, but it’s gonna be okay.

I worked with one client whose emotions could go from 0 to 100 in two seconds. But she had this saying that helped her self-soothe that she would tell me when she was disappointed or upset. For example, if she didn’t get to listen to a song she wanted to hear, she would look me right in the eye and say, “Miss Abby, sometimes the song is different. And that’s okay.”

This was how she coped with disappointment, change, overstimulation, and her quickly escalating emotions. After just a week of sessions with this client, I found myself repeating this motto at home!

As an RBT, I learned to remind myself that things are going to be okay.

In the last few months, because I’ve been experiencing more health problems, I’ve been using this self-soothing strategy often. I’ll be hit with a major migraine and have to miss a social event. Of course I’ll feel disappointed – and I’ll let myself feel that way, it’s a valid emotion. But after a bit, I’ll tell myself “Sometimes plans change, and that’s okay.”

Maybe it sounds silly to you. And that’s okay. I dare you to try it anyway. 🙂

I am so grateful for the joyful and difficult moments I had with my clients. I can say that working in ABA absolutely improved my mental health. I hope that these lessons will have a positive impact for you!