Hey sweet friend,
Disappointment can be the result of bad news as serious as a medical diagnosis or as minor as learning that an Old Navy sale ended before you could snag those ten-dollar jeans. It can be as major as receiving a rejection letter after applying for a job, or receiving your coffee order at your favorite cafe only to discover they gave you the wrong latte.
Although the depth of the feeling depends on how serious the situation is, the actual sense of disappointment is the same. It comes from unrealized potential. You imagine something good – a promotion, a pregnacy, a new relationship, a move – and then it doesn’t happen. You’re disappointed.
Right after sophomore year of college, I felt like my life was crashing. I was in the midst of an autoimmune flareup from Hashimoto’s disease, but I had not yet been diagnosed. I was struggling with anxiety and depression.
I came home for the summer and hated the idea of sitting still for months. I needed a job so I applied for every job that was available within thirty miles of my parents’ home: Kohl’s, Kroger, ALDI, the YMCA. I went to plenty of interviews, but no one hired me. But then, I thought I had found the perfect job at a local bakery down the road. I had worked in a bakery in high school, so I knew I loved baking and decorating cupcakes. When I went to the interview, I found out the owner used to run a daycare – I used to work at a daycare! We hit it off and were chatting like friends.
Two days later, I received an email saying that I did not get the job. I didn’t understand that at all.
That summer, I ended up working for my church by playing piano for Wednesday night services and helping out with a couple of Sunday services. I house-sat for a family friend and babysat their dogs, chickens, and tomato plants. I visited some friends in my hometown.
I felt disappointed in myself for not being able to get a “real job.”
I went through a break-up. I felt disappointed in myself for not being able to make it work.
I was diagnosed with Hashimotos’ Disease. I felt disappointed in my body for letting me down.
During the rest of the summer I focused on treating my Hashimoto’s and supporting my immune system. I spent a lot of time walking, listening to music, and journaling about my past two years’ of experiences. I started an elimination diet to figure out what foods were triggering my immune system. Later on, I volunteered at my church’s Vacation Bible School.
At Vacation Bible School, I heard exactly the message that my fatigued and depressed brain needed to hear: Jesus loves you.
Sitting with those 5-7 year old kids and hearing the teachers telling them with so much confidence about Jesus’ love for them gave me more comfort than all the sermons I had heard for the last year. Hearing that simple truth was like an anchor I held onto for the rest of the summer.
It took a while for me to clearly see it, but the disappointments I experienced during that season were exactly what I needed. Those moments of disappointment were moments of God’s grace in my life, directing me in the way I needed to go.
Although at first it felt like all of the disappointments were piling up to weigh me down, as time and the initial feeling of disappointment passed, each experience actually made me feel lighter. Those moments of disappointment were moments of God’s grace in my life, nudging me in the direction I needed to go.
Although I wasn’t working a 9-5 summer job, having the flexibility in time gave my mind and body the opportunity to rest (which it really needed, as my diagnosis of autoimmune disease showed).
An open schedule allowed me to serve my church and it was there that I heard what my heart most needed to hear.
Learning about my diagnosis helped me begin to figure out how to support my body and immune system.
And, the bakery. I realized later that if I had been working at a bakery while I went on the elimination diet – which meant avoiding gluten, dairy, eggs, nuts, corn, and soy – I would’ve gone crazy! I am grateful for God’s grace in keeping me away from working in an environment filled with those foods.
Even in the little things, God showed me grace.
I’m sharing this story because it encourages me now to consider how disappointments could actually be opportunities. Romans 8:28 says,
And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.
Disappointment is valid. You don’t have to run from it. Those bigger things in life that cause disappointment are not easy. But know that God is working in your life and using even those things too.
Hindsight really is 20/20 and you can’t always see how good things will come from what’s troubling you know. But holding onto the promise that God really does show you grace in big and little ways can help you remain hopeful and joyful.
Have you had an experience where you’ve been disappointed and later seen God working in it?
